Top Ten Questions

Here's my Top Ten list of questions I'd like to ask the world. At least for today. Tomorrow my questions will be different, no doubt.

1. How come if the muffler falls off my truck, I get a repair order, but people can rumble up and down the roads all day long on open-pipe motorcycles and they don't get repair orders?

2. How come guys with ATVs always assume that the fact that they have ATVs entitles them to ride them on my property? I guess I'm supposed to be impressed.

3. How come everyone always expects me to be embarrassed by the fact that I listen to death metal music? No, not even embarrassed. More like ashamed, like there's something wrong with it, or me.

4. How come people assume that the bag of peanuts I brought to work was meant for them?

5. Why is it legal for someone to tailgate me, but it's illegal for me to chuck a brick at them through the sunroof? Okay, okay, I'm not asking that seriously, I just want to know why so many suburban yuppies in monster SUVs have to spend all their time glued to my rear bumper while they jabber in earnest self-importance on their cell phones.

6. Why did the Sci-Fi Channel on cable turn out to be such a wretched disappointment?

7. Why do we bother having referendums if the state legislature never acts on them?

8. Why don't we make Congress vote to declare wars the way they used to have to? This War Powers Act stuff just absolves everyone of responsibility and I think that's a mistake.

9. How come everyone thinks Hannibal was a military genius even though the Romans destroyed his civilization and doomed him to die in exile?

10. Why can't I own a powerful infra-red laser? In view of Question #5, the answer is perhaps obvious.