Fashionista

I'm not much of a fashion plate. At work I tend to opt for the casual dress shirt and Docker-like slacks, and at home I'm prone to comfort clothes, chiefly shorts and western shirts that have seen a few too many years of hard service. Not that I dislike nice clothes by any means - I like dressing up as much as the next person, but I am historically very hard on clothes. I'm the sort of person who would accidentially tear a hole in a brand new shirt with a sanding drum mounted in a Dremel tool.

But compared to modern sartorial thought, I appear to be a veritable clothes horse.

I stopped the gas station the other day, and as I was waiting for the gas pump to finish impoverishing me utterly, I noticed that there were three guys at the gas station all wearing pull-on shorts. When did formless plaid pull-on shorts turn into such a hot trend? I have a pair of plaid pull-on shorts too, but they said "pajamas" on the outside of the bag.

But these three guys had more in common than just the pull-on shorts. They were all of a specific type: fat guys with shaved heads, pubic beards, muscle shirts, pull-on shorts, and flip-flops. What up with that? I think it's the pubic beard that bothers me the most. You know what I'm talking about, the scanty fringe of hair completely surrounding the mouth that makes the mouth look more like an excretory sphincter than anything else. I've worn my facial hair in a great many ways over the years, the Rhodesian moustache being one of my favorites (often called a "porn star moustache" by people who have never heard of Rhodesia) but I don't think I've ever adopted the pubic beard.

I don't even like flip-flops. Oh, they're dreadfully convenient around the house, but for some reason the presence of that rubber thing between my toes distracts me to the point of near-madness. And I hate it when the toe of the thing gets stuck under the brake pedal.

No, I think I'm perfectly happy with my western shirts and shorts with actual buttons and shoes with laces, thank you very much.