I've noticed an amusing trend lately. Amusing or annoying, depending on my frame of mind at any given moment.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my friends got pretty thin on the ground. A few stuck around, but most of them couldn't put distance between me and themselves fast enough to suit them. Maybe they thought cancer is contagious. Maybe they didn't want to hang around and watch me die. Or maybe I'd merely become inconvenient. But either way, with certain notable exceptions, I went through all that business almost alone.
But now that I'm apparently cured, they come flooding back in. "I'm so OVERJOYED for you!" Maybe they really are, but you'll pardon me if I'm dubious of their sincerity. They couldn't be seen with me when I was sick, but now they all want a piece of me, to rub the top of my head, perhaps hoping that some of my good fortune will rub off on them.
I don't really mind that. People going through chemo aren't much fun, and if I had had the option, I might not have visited myself either. But the part that makes me grind my teeth is when they take credit for any of it. "We got you through that," they say.
Wait a minute - who exactly is "we"?
You have the right to distance yourself from me when I get sick. But you then don't have the right to claim so much as an atom of credit for me getting better. You want to be friends again? Groovy, I'm not bitter. But the minute you say "we" in the context of chemo, your chances aren't good. I suffered the torments of the damned during chemo and hardly ever bitched about it; I just tightened my belt and got on with it. And it's a disservice to me and the people who really DID help me get through it for other people to coast in long after the fact and take credit for any of it.
Mostly, though, it just makes me chuckle.
Is That All?
11 years ago
1 comment:
I had the same type of experience. A couple of friends in particular fled for the hills when they found out I needed a kidney transplant. I mean what did they think I was going to do, ask them for a kidney? After the transplant 5 years later interestingly they show up again and ask "so how is everything? Kidney working alright?" or "you look so much better now". Where were these these so called friends when I needed their moral support (and a kidney). Seriously I find it a disgusting aspect of human nature. These jerks couldn't even venture to shoot me so much as a phone call. Nothing like an illness to find who your real friends are and often it's surprising.
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