Hipsters I Have No Use For

Today I went (against my better judgment) to read stuff on "Stuff Hipsters Hate". I saw them on CNN the other day and couldn't believe that such irrelevancy was given space on the CNN website. But it was, and I was curious if their blog was as irrelevant, so I went to go see for myself. And yes, by cracky, it's at least as irrelevant, if not more so, and just as stupid.*

Normally I don't waste much time criticizing hipsters or uber-hipsters. What they do doesn't matter to me, and what they think is irrelevant to me.

But after I got out of the shower after scrubbing the oily self-satisfied residue off my person, I came to this realization: I don't know what hipsters hate, and I don't care. But I do know what hipsters I have no use for.

After almost dying twice and going through 18 months of chemotherapy and two bone marrow transplants, there's no room left in me for hate. If these irrelevant twits want to hate everything that they don't like, I don't much care. If they want to hate me, I don't much care. But I can say that it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever go back to their site.

(What I find particularly unamusing about their site is that despite their literary pretensions, they can't seem to go a paragraph without saying "fuck". Does that make you feel like a grown-up, talking like that? Good for you. Now go find a poetry slam or something to infest; I have more important things to think about.)

*Their CNN bit was something about snazzing up Tweets so you sound suitably status-conscious and ironically hipsterish. You can't say "I ate lunch"; you have to say "Had an ironically hip wrap at [insert oppressively hip-for-the-moment watering hole here] in Manhattan." Yeah? Well, what if I had two tacos at Filiberto's in Phoenix? Only 99 cents, and just as tasty at four times the price, and I didn't have to put up with any buffoonish hipsters while I was eating. But having said all that, the only appropriate answer to the question of how one makes a Tweet "more acceptable" is to say that as a first approximation, no Tweet is acceptable. It's only when you get down to the fourth or fifth approximation that any of them start to serve any useful purpose at all.