New Religion

Every time I see an ad for the "Booty Pop" on TV, I think I should come up with a new religion, a religion whose first commandment is Thou Shalt Not Play Booty-Pop Commercials On TV While William Is Watching. I don't think that's an unreasonable commandment at all.

And while I'm on the subject, why, why, "Booty Pop"? It sounds like something you'd get from the ice cream man. "I'd like two bomb pops, a Fudgsicle, and a Booty Pop, please." What flavor is a Booty Pop anyway? No, don't even think about it. Think about something else. What kind of washing machine does Iron Man use.... Anything...

But maybe it would be fun to develop a new religion anyway, even without Booty Pop commercials. Not that I have any particularly deep spiritual insight to offer - the best I can come up with is the vague statement "Try not to be a butt-head all of the time." People seem to think that being a cancer survivor gives you some kind of ineffable insight into the human condition and the nature of the soul. If so, I'm still waiting for my package of insight to arrive in the mail; as near as I can tell, I'm not any more advanced spiritually now than I was before cancer came along.

But having said that, the tax-exempt status of being a religion is tempting, isn't it?

I used to be something of a hobbyist of bogus geek pseudo-religions, of which there were several, including the Church of the Sub-Genius and Discordianism. But lately (meaning within the last ten years or so) trips to the Sub-Genius website leave me feeling a little uncomfortable. It's so odd and so forced; it's like being the only sober person in a room full of drunks who are all screaming with laughter at a joke that just isn't that funny. In the words of Michael J. Nelson, they pulled up a stool next to that joke and milked it for all it was worth, and then some.

Okay, here's another potential commandment: Thou Shalt Not Make Movies That Have Fight Scenes In Slow Motion.

I'm open to suggestion.