Two Bad Things

I watched a TV show very early Saturday morning that got me to thinking about picking out two bad things that go worse together. Asparasus? Bad. Giblet gravy? Bad. But asparagus with giblet gravy? Two bad things that go worse together. Britney Spears? Bad. Rush Limbaugh? Bad. Britney Spears and Rush Limbaugh making out in the back of a station wagon? Two bad things that go worse together.

The show was about a "dance battle" between a break dancing crew and a loose association of five or six krump dancers. Or were they crump dancers? I confess I don't know. It featured endless torrents of utter bilge from the organizers, hoohah about "keeping it real" and whatnot, and given the context, I can't even begin to guess what "keeping it real" means. What's the alternative? Keeping it unreal? That could be more fun than keeping it real. Keeping it real usually involves income taxes and car insurance; keeping it unreal could involve phasers, transporters and emitting tachyon pulses from the main deflector dish. Which would you prefer?

In the end, the contest was judged a draw, which suited me fine. The crump dancers looked like they were trying to beat up ghosts for the most part, and the break dancers ("b-boys") kept pulling their arms into their sleeves and reminding me unwittingly of the old joke about Nazis. They were also annoyingly obsessed with their overly precious hats. But the draw seemed to perturb the dancers, all of whom assumed that they had won, but since there were no judges and no judging criteria, I'm not sure how anyone could have determined a victor. Maybe one group had snappier costumes, I don't know, or had more energy during the chorus.

So why did I watch this show? Because my sternum is still pretty sore from my bypass surgery and after sleeping for four or five hours, I tend to wake up. Not every day, but often enough to watch dance battles on TV.

Adolf Hitler? Bad. Saddam Hussein? Bad. Saddam Hussein and Hitler scrawling anti-Semitic slogans on the wall of my bathroom? Two bad things that go worse together.

(The old Nazi joke: Where do Nazis keep their armies? In their sleevies. The other old Nazi joke: How to Germans tie their shoesies? In little Nazis.)