Plastic Pail List

The other day I was talking to a friend about "Bucket Lists", the things one intends to accomplish before one kicks the bucket. I don't intend to publish my Bucket List, at least not in this venue, because I'm not of a mind to put up with the ensuing hoots of laughter.

But we discovered that beneath the weight and solemnity of the official Bucket List is the Plastic Pail List - stuff that would be nice to accomplish, but since it's all pretty corny to start with, it doesn't really matter if you accomplish it or not. The world won't change much either way.

So here's a sample of my Plastic Pail List.

I wish I knew the constellations better. I can identify a few by sight, but most of them might as well be graffiti. Consequently, I can't find most stars to save my life. I can find a few. Polaris, Betelgeuse, Rigel, Sirius. But Vega? Hmm. Procyon? Hmmmmm. Antares? I thought I saw Antares once, but maybe it was the red light on the microwave tower down by the pottery outlet place.

I'd like to memorize the entire Periodic Table of Elements. I've memorized the first three rows, but that's as far as I ever got. (My mnemonic for this is assembling the elements into Russian-sounding names. The first two rows are H. He. Libebcnofne. The next row is Namag Alsipsclar. But I ran out of enthusiasm for the project after three rows.)

I want to plug an accordion into a metal distortion pedal designed for a guitar and try to imagine a world of norteno music in a really bad mood. (Though every time I think about it, Finntroll is what comes to my mind. Humppa, anyone?)

I'd like to open for Insomnium with my new accordion death metal band. Have I mentioned how much I like Insomnium lately? They don't get an inordinate amount of respect from the metal underground, but they work for me.

That'll do, for starters.