3 AM Phone Call

Who do I want answering the "red phone" in the White House at 3 AM? Not Hillary Clinton, I can tell you that much for free, because power-hungry career politicians give me gas. No, I want Babe Ruth to answer the 3 AM phone calls. Why? Because he's dead, and everyone knows he's dead, and what could be scarier than talking to a dead man on the telephone? A dead man who might or might not have control of the US nuclear arsenal?? Nobody would do anything contrary to the wishes of US foreign policy for fear of tangling with the spirit of Babe Ruth, mean and hung-over and nuclear-capable. It would even get to Osama. "I see jowly Americans with Louisville Sluggers and hip flasks, oh it's so horrible!"