Hoe-down Throw-down Big Damn Deal

We've been watching the Food Network a lot lately. I first turned on the Food Network for real in the dark days of mid-December, when I was first going into chemotherapy and had completely lost my appetite and was pretty much fixing to die. I figured that maybe I'd see something that would stimulate me to eat, and in any event is there any human activity that is as harmless and genuinely hopeful as cooking food? I may not like sea scallops or clams or whatnot, but the act of cooking itself is inherently cheerful, whether you're cooking burgers or Ho Chi Minh sandals.

There are certain shows on the Food Network that I really like. Anything Alton Brown does is liable to appeal to me. I enjoy his screwed-up sense of humor, his sense of play, and his intellectualism. Sometimes he is overly fussy and extreme, but rarely to the extent that it annoys me - if anything I'm usually awed to stunned silence by his extremism. I also like Ace of Cakes. It took me a few shows to come to grips with Duff, who at first struck me as a hirsute blowhard. And he is a hirsute blowhard, but a generally amusing and amiable one. And the cakes are amazing themselves. And I like the Neelys, who I suspect could fix a flat tire with a barbecue rub, and I never get tired of the way their pack of brothers always shows up in time to eat.

But there are Food Network shows that grate on me. Any kind of throwdown showdown challenge is usually lost on me, for the simple reason that cooking isn't a sport, let alone a spectator sport, and I find their attempts to whip up drama and pathos annoying. Poor Bobby Flay, every day is a throwdown challenge for him! That's so sad. Not. And while I don't have any specific complaint with Guy Fieri, I just see too much of him. It seems that every time I turn on the Food Network hoping to be amused by Alton Brown or the Cake Folk, I end up having to watch Guy Fieri eat in the kitchen of some greasy spoon somewhere. Is this the best we can do? Cadge for ratings by making Guy eat unhealthy food?

I'm blogging now, basically, because Ace of Cakes went off and now it's some Mega Super Duper Chocolate challenge, where people make replicas of famous sculptures out of chocolate. This doesn't amuse me, and it doesn't motivate my appetite, so it's really a loss as far as I'm concerned. Oh well. Time to go open a can of sliced peaches, one of the few food groups that never upsets my tender midsection.