I'm slowly giving up on the Food Network. There are certain shows I'll probably keep watching in the future. Alton Brown in all of his irritating geekiness, and Ace of Cakes, even though in real life Duff Goldman would probably irritate me to distraction. But I'm officially giving up on the competition shows, all of them.
No more Throwdown. I must admit that Bobby Flay turned out not to be the jerk I thought he was, but that doesn't mean I like Throwdown either.
No more Chopped. I have nothing against Ted Allen, who seems generally harmless and inoffensive. But I grow weary of the cocky numbnuts they bring in as contestants. There's the guy who is a vegan private chef specializing in probiotic nutriphoria who is simply Way More Spiritual Than You. There's the guy who's going to bring his A-game, go for the three, swing for the fences, put the pedal to the metal and overuse sports cliches until our ears bleed and our souls pucker and die. There's the foodie who knows that the natural counterpart to the munchiness of cabbage is a gastrique of cane sugar, cider vinegar and braised kaiserwurt. Every now and then I do confess a mild interest when something strange appears in the basket ("Octopus?? For DESSERT??") but I really don't need a lot of cocky preening, foodie pretentiousness, or sustainable navel-gazing to go along with it.
No more of that show with the same people over and over who make cakes. They introduce themselves by saying "Hi, I'm Jim and I've been on the Challenge eight times, and I've won twice." People of interest show up once and move on, but somehow these same six or eight people recur with the depressing inevitability of cold sores. The latest incarnation of this show has them competing over the long-term, with slow-motion elimination in the manner of Dancing With The Stars. Lovely. Yet elimination is usually decided by some kind of twist announced by Chef Keenan Wynn - "The Wynner will be determined by a thirty-minute cake-off." A cake-off. I did not make that up. First, I never want to hear an adult say "cake-off". Second, I thought they were already having a goddamned cake-off.
Iron Chef America is kind of fun, but I hate it when the judges get snotty with one another. I notice that most of the time when the judges get snotty, that guy that looks like he's consciously imitating Johnny Depp is involved. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Hence my growing frustration with the Food Network. If I wanted to watch people being cocky, rude, stupid or grating, I'd watch something on Spike.
I started watching it in the dim dark days of December when I was doing a pretty good job of dying of cancer. I didn't feel like eating, and watching Ina Garten didn't make me want to eat either, but it was a way of connecting with the larger world when I was pretty much confined to my bedroom (not even to my bed; I was confined mostly to an office chair because it hurt to lay down). Plus it beat watching obscure college football bowl games on ESPN (the Colon Bowl, I don't know what all).
But either I don't need the connection with the real world any more, or the Food Network's competition shows don't represent any link to any known real world. I'm turning in my spatula.
Is That All?
11 years ago
4 comments:
I only watch on Saturday and Sunday mornings and only the "In the Kitchen" stuff like Ina and Giada and Tyler Florence, who is my favorite, and occasionally I'll watch "Good Eats" if AB is making something I'm interested in. I can't tolerate him on a regular basis. I used to enjoy Emeril, for all his silliness, because he was cooking real food that real people might eat.
The "In the Kitchen" shows do connect me to life, the life where people go into their kitchens and cook for themselves and the people they love. Watching them reminds me that you can have a perfectly s***** day and still do well in the kitchen, if you are careful and attentive. There's something to be said for that.
Oh, and until I saw a profile on Duff a couple of years ago, I thought he was insufferable, but the piece changed my mind. Ace of Cakes seems to suggest he's some dude who wandered into the kitchen straight out art school, but in fact, he's really a chef--worked in places like the French Laundry before going out on his own. He also came across as a lot more likable.
I loved the Cake Off shows!!! I'm a total geek, I guess... and it appears that we have several students who will be competing on Iron Chef America in the next few months.
I like the "in the kitchen" shows myself. I don't really have a favorite, though I happen to like the Barefoot Contessa for its utter lack of hectic energy. I also used to like Emeril, but he doesn't seem to cook much any more. Mostly he goes on very long commercial breaks during which I imagine his assistants swap out the pots...
As for the cake shows, I like them when they let the people actually make cakes. But lately they seem more interested in hooks and gimmicks than actual cakery (is that a word? I declare it one).
And I like Iron Chef, as long as the judges don't back-bite one another. I get plenty of that at work as it is, and even then they have to pay me to put up with it.
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