Random Pronouncements

1. Vertigo Isn't Free

I got my new eyeglasses today. My prescription didn't change all that much, but I still feel like I'm wearing a prism from a high school science class taped to my head. It'll take me a few days to get used to these glasses, but in the meantime I feel like I'm constantly standing on a pitcher's mound. I feel like I'm standing about a foot off the ground, and the world seems to be tilting about five degrees to the left. If I turn my head suddenly my stomach gets all unhappy and makes a rumpus. And all this fun for $250! I shouldn't complain, though - they look a lot nicer than my old ones. All of a sudden I look much more refined and dignified, and I could use the help.

2. Imus Don't Care

I never listened to Don Imus, and I really don't care that he got fired. If the comments about the Rutgers basketball team weren't enough to get him fired, there are plenty of other things in his archive that are. Nor do I think it's really a free speech issue. If he was imprisoned for saying that, then sure, it would be a free speech issue. But as far as I can tell, it was a standard employer-employee relationship between him and CBS, and if his employment contract looks anything like mine, his employer is under no obligation to offer any particular reason for canning him.

But having said that, I do think the sudden profusion of press conferences is a little odd. Back when I played basketball, people said a lot of rude things to me, like "Sweet Jesus, you've got hands like pitchforks!" or "Move your feet, you lard-ass!" or "Your jump shot is so ugly it puts me right off my lunch!" And this was from my team-mates. It never occurred to me to hold a press conference and demand an apology. Instead, in practice I simply set picks with my elbow cocked.

I don't care about Don Imus. My method for dealing with media I don't like is to turn it off, change the channel, or put my fingers in my ears and hum The Girl from Ipanema very loudly. And that's the last thing I'm going to say about it.