I'm Relieved

I'm relieved to know that Jamie Lee Curtis isn't having difficulty pooping. No, I'm not relieved. Not at all. Honestly, these Activia commercials are starting to creep me out, just a little. The worst one was the one where two women were having a conversation about "getting back to normal" after eating all that holiday food. One of the women was swaying her hips and grinning and licking her lips and rubbing her midsection and acting for all the world like she just can't wait to get back to the restroom. "This stuff makes me crap like a Clydesdale and I'm in heaven!"

How nice for her. But she should go press a cool damp cloth to her forehead and try to calm down because noboby cares about the nature and frequency of her bowel movements.

Then there's the Benefiber commercial, which argues that the liquid fiber product, in addition to producing Clydesdale-esque boli, also improves one's heart health. Maybe it really does, I don't know. But the woman in the ad is a slender sylph of about twenty; she drifts around in red silk and distributes perky red hearts. Right. She won't have to worry about her heart health in a serious way for another thirty years, and assuming she doesn't smoke, the chances are she'll never have to worry about it. Give me a spokesman I can relate to, like James Gandolfini or Wilford Brimley, being hoisted around the studio on wires, coughing and grunting and sweating and calling people "cheeseballs".

On second thought - the original woman is at least very pretty in red silk. The same cannot be said for my other options.