Almost Halfway

Today was my fifth chemo, or the first of Cycle III, as the oncologist puts it. Almost halfway is how I like to put it; it makes it seem less daunting.

The bad news is that my white blood cell count was a little on the low side so I got a pre-emptive injection of Neulasta. The drug clearly works and does what it's designed to do, but I'm one of the people who suffer bone pain as a side-effect and I'm a little annoyed at my bone marrow for once again failing to get the job done without reinforcement in the form of recombinant DNA. Rats. Once again I feel like general crap with aching legs.

The good news is that I can only feel one swollen node these days, and it continues to shrink. All the ones in my chest and neck are gone, and I've only got the original node, the Mode Lode if you will, in my left groin. And it is but a mere shadow of its former self, so that's good.

Funny to think that if plans had worked out, I would have been flying to Israel on Saturday with my mom and nephew. She's going to Israel for religious reasons and my nephew and I were going along just for the hell of it, but obviously I won't be going this time. My oncologist put the official kaibosh on that - noting my depressed immune system, a nonstop flight from Atlanta to Tel Aviv may not be the best thing in the world for me, and I'm sure feeling like warmed-over death in an Israeli hotel room is nothing more than a waste of money. So my mom, who was paying for the whole deal, managed to get a refund on my tickets based on my doctor's no-travel order. I feel bad enough that I had to back out without having cost my mom a good deal of money besides.

They're still going; I watch from a distance, and keep my puke bucket handy. In a strange way, the fact that I feel pretty bad makes me feel less disappointed. I would be more disappointed if I felt good but still couldn't go, if that makes any sense.

My mom and nephew are good travel company and I'll miss not going. But, it's not as though anyone made a conscious decision that led to this. I certainly never ordered Hodgkin's Disease from the a la carte menu, if you know what I mean.