Russian Autocrats

Last time I checked, a "czar" was one of a series of Russian autocrats that predated the Communist Revolution of 1917, all that "Red October" business. So why do we name officials of the US government after Russian hereditary autocrats? We have drug czars, car czars, intelligence czars, and even (I am not making this up) an "executive compensation czar."

What makes the czars so special? Why not, say, a Finance Fuehrer? Or a Drug Generalissimo? Or a Car Kaiser? Or something like an Executive Compensation Maximum Warlord? Heck, why not go all the way back to the reforms of Diocletian and have a Car Augustus, and reporting to him a Small Car Caesar?

Maybe all my problems are the result of not having czars. Perhaps I need a health czar who will mind my appointments, go to them, suffer the consequences of them, and keep me apprised of how well I'm doing. Or a movie czar who will pick which movie I'm going to watch so I don't spend an hour sitting in front of the drawer full of DVDs sighing wistfully because I can't decide whether to watch Tombstone or Bridget Jones's Diary. Or a don't sweat the small stuff czar, who will console me when I drop buttered toast on the floor by saying "You know, there are lots of things worse in the world."

Or a Roman czar, who, no matter what happens, whispers in my ear Sic transit gloria mundi.

Oh great, like I needed that.